I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
kristin has been a bad kristin
he shaved USA in his pubs
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize