You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?