I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants