America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
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She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.