We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.