I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
