are you still at the devil's house?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
