her vagina looked like bernie madoff
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
