Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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