just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.