I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room