well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.