I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
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oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
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Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.