I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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