I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Enjoy the penises
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