dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize