Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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