I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
