wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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