I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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