I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
