Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
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You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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