he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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