I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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