If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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