Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
