She is in my trunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
