I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
