Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
