She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
