He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
