This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
