Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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