Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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