Who wears a wallet chain?!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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