Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I currently don't understand fingers.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
