Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
