I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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