I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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