I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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