he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
