Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
