im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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