already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
