Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
