Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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