eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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