btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
