He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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