What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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