In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She needs sedatives and a leash
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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