haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
