i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
