I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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