literally had 100 drinks last night.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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