Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize