Welp...herpes.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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