I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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