i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i out mim tonsoeep
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