His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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