I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
