Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
