i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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