she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
