when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
