i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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