I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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